Have you ever noticed among your friends, a husband or a wife, perhaps being nicer, more polite and more attentive to others than to his or her ‘better half’? Perhaps it’s happened to you: your partner treats even strangers with more respect than he treats you! And perhaps you’ve found yourself doing it, be honest…

If we want to understand this behaviour we have to look under the surface. Just as we desire security in other parts of our lives, at a certain stage people’s minds turn to security in their relationship as well, whether they know it or not. Sure, we all love the thrill of the chase and the rosy glow of first romance, but settling down together is all about psychological security. When we get married, either actually or metaphorically, we feel in some way that we can sit back and relax. The person we wanted is safely in the bag and we don’t have to invest any more energy in their psychological comfort.

But this security is an illusion. As I wrote last week, security in the sense of standing still doesn’t exist at all. Life is constant change and development. Treat your partner as if you had to convince them every single day to stay with you. Overcome your inertia and be awake to their emotions. This person is your priority just as much now as when you first fell in love!

– Dirk de Sousa


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